Seriously... We Truly, Honestly and Completely Don't Care If You Date A White Girl

A curious thing happened recently when my buddy KP and I were out terrorizing the neighborhood taking a stroll around U Street . As we stood outside a small Mexican establishment, debating the merits of nachos versus McChickens, another group of young professionals moseyed on up to the restaurant. It was a lively bunch, a couple of white guys, three white girls and one black dude to mix up, no doubt excited about grabbing some drinks after a long day of work. But after a moment, KP and I  couldn't help but notice...

The black guy was staring at us.

Like, just....staring at us. Hard.

He would not look away.

"Oh, I get it," KP finally said. "He's wondering if we noticed he's with a white girl."

Aha! So THAT'S why he had an I-just-ate-a-Double-Down-and-I-think-I'm-gonna-shit-myself look on his face! Poor thing. He saw two black women and expected some shenanigans to pop off. Maybe he thought we'd give him a lip-smack and a good side-eye. Or maybe he expected us to talk REALLY LOUDLY about how these WACK ASS BROTHAS AIN'T SHIT. (Don't act like you haven't heard that conversation on Georgia Avenue.) Or maybe he feared we go retro, haul off and slap his petite brunette girlfriend in the face, a la Angela Bassett in "Waiting To Exhale."

We laughed. We're only worried about our nachos, homie.

It would be funnier if it were the first time such a thing happened, but it's not. Roughly 33.7 % percent of black men in interracial relationships contract Shit-Face Sherrod Syndrome when they cross paths with black women. Symptoms include shifty eyes, nervous fidgeting, and a instinctive impulse to grab the white girlfriend closer, or maybe push her down an escalator.

"But Veronica!" you may say. "Black women DO have a problem with guys who date white chicks! I mean, look at what happened over the Reggie Bush Essence cover!"

And you may have a point. But you have to remember, when discussing the Essence-Reggie Bush debacle, we're talking about a select group of red-blooded American women who saw a picture of a fine-ass, shirtless, oiled up football player and managed to find a reason to get upset. So consider the source.

The rest of us, honestly, don't care that much. And here's why:

1) You're a stranger. We don't know you or anything about you. Ergo, we don't really care what's going on in your life, and we don't suddenly want you because you picked up a Caucasian chick. So... As you were.

2.) Your girl's a stranger too. For all we know, your strawberry-blonde girlfriend could be the bee's knees. She could have a killer sense of humor. She could have a nurturing personality. She could be a master chef who sings opera and writes pen pal letters to little orphans in Cambodia. Point is, we don't know. we only assume that you're dating her because you like her and because she's a nice person with good qualities, not because you have inferiority issues with black women.

3.) We're not offended. I'd have to be a pretty self-absorbed person to think that every black guy who picked a non-black girlfriend did so with the sole purpose of pissing me off (#jillscott). What kind of inner dialouge is that? -- "You know what? I'm gonna offend Veronica today! I'm going get up, get dressed, put on my Vans and hit the town with my white chick! Yeah! Veronica's gonna be SO. MAD. It will be AWESOME." It just doesn't make sense....

4.) We don't think our options are limited to you. Do you know how many fine-ass Latin men there are in this city? And how many young foreign embassy staffers are running the streets too? C'mon son.

5.) We feel bad for your girl. Now that you're so busy worrying about us, you're paying close to no attention to your girlfriend -- who, because she likely doesn't share the same faulty point-of-reference, probably won't understand why you're suddenly so distracted or why you're shoving her into an umbrella closet. You brought her out to have a good time, not to prepare for battle with the imaginary Black Woman Brigade. Stop being a bad boyfriend. Pay attention to your girl.

6.) And... We feel bad for you. You're a grown ass man who's still concerned about what someone will say about your relationship. We stopped looking for peer approval in 10th grade. Man up and stand proudly by your girl... before we tell her you're insecure as hell and introduce her to our cousin Rashad.

Thanks for listening. :o)

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